Thursday, July 5, 2007

GORDY UPDATE: turd warz

Since Gordy's arrival, we have gotten a lot of helpful hints from the neighbors. Like the time I was informed in all seriousness that Gordy would be better off using a litter box because he's small, like a cat. Or when I was called crazy for taking him out more than three times a day when his bladder was still the size of a marble. So yeah, we're like, really grateful.

Usually people don't get mad. But sometimes they do. Like when Gordy took a big ol' surprise number two in front of a little old lady watering her flowers (handsomely planted in an old toilet, I might add) and we got sassed for not curbing him. What irritated me was not so much her crotchety accusations but more just the relentlessness of it all especially in lieu of my husband's repeated and kinder than necessary apologies. Curb this, Curb that, When I had a dog I CURBED HIM!!!! Blah blah blah, until I said something unfortunate about us not being mind readers and the lady resorted to using the term DOG SHIT at a louder than necessary pitch. But that's beside the point...

We're actually very responsible with our dog's defecation. We have never ever just left it sitting and we have felt deep sorrow during the Wellness days when we couldn't totally clean it up. For that matter, just a few days ago, my husband both scraped the sidewalk and cleaned Gordy's little butt with an expired I.D. from a tech conference he attended a few weeks ago. If that's not love, I don't know what is...

But meanwhile, that little old hag has put the fear of god in us and now we're obsessed with CURBING. Oh, kill me...

CURBING, dontcha know, actually means I should toss ol' Gord into the street. Not just making him go closer to the curb as I had interpreted it in a more naive state of mind. I'm sort of thinking to myself, HA!!! YEAH RIGHT!!!.... but apparently this has been the law since the 1930's.

Long story short, I spent the next few days avoiding that old woman and everyone else like the plague for fear of someone calling 311 on a cute little creamy dude who shat smack dab in the middle of the sidewalk. Futile efforts were made all the while to wrangle him to and fro, but come on, he barely wants to walk as is.

But then, lo and behold, it turns out that the so-called "Poop Scoop laws" (i.e. if you get busted not cleaning up your dog's business, you get slapped with a fine) actually REPLACE OR AMMEND previous curbing laws. Mostly because corralling your pup onto the pavement was deemed cruel by certain animal organizations. Therefore, in the face of justice, we're doing just fine. So curb that, Grandma!!

Okay, okay, I recognize it's still socially responsible to not encouarage my little mister to take a big dump right in front of someone's point of entry... but it's nice to know I am, once again, SO RIGHT AND SHE WAS SO WRONG.

She'll be happy to note, however, that Bloomy has supported upping the initial $25 fine to something like $250... so she can peacefully continue having nothing better to do than get angry, swear, and water the begonias.

Other reading:

New York Times DNA of Dog Dirt

"1978 Pooper Scooper" Law

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